Even though Jay Payton had a pair of two-run homers, the rest of the Orioles stunk out the jernt (well, Luke Scott had two hits on his 30th birthday -- happy birthday, Luuuuuke!) and the pitching was a mess, leading to a 7-4 loss.

Brian Burres was scratched for flu-like symptoms and the like prior to the game, so Albers got the start. Albers left in the first inning, having gotten just one out. Lance Cormier came in, and he and Ryan Bukvich did their best to save the rest of the bullpen. They did as well as you could expect under the circumstances. Whole lotta things went wrong. We lost. It happens.

Dennis Sarfate walking everyone was bothersome, but Jamie Walker got a strikeout in a one-batter appearance, so hey.

SWEEP

GRAND SALAMI JAY PAYTON

DANIEL CABRERA RULES

BEST TEAM EVER

I've had the great pleasure of listening to the Royals broadcasts in the last two nights. First of all, it's fun to listen to a team's commentators talk about their boys not winning against the Birds since 2006.

But my favorite thing about the Royals broadcasts are the commentators themselves, play-by-play man Ryan Lefebvre (right, son of Jim Lefebvre) and color commentator Frank White (left), Royals Hall of Famer.

The two of them are gold. Not only are they terribly unfamiliar with the Orioles and bat-dung crazy, but they're also seriously easy to listen to and seem like a couple of nice damned guys.

A quality start to Frank White is a complete game. Denny Leonard threw twenty complete games. Now that's quality. White also claimed to have been following Brian Roberts since his first day in the Major Leagues, thinking of him like he does Marcus Giles (?), a small stature guy with pop in his bat. White would be the world's only person who saw pop in the bat of Brian Roberts prior to 2005.

Lefebvre spent an entire, long half-inning talking to some dude from American Idol who's from the area. I'm not even being elitist. He seemed like a nice kid, genuinely excited to be there (White said he used to work at the park when he was a child), and he threw out a nice first pitch. Lefebvre and this dude just went on and on and on while a game was happening. Tremendous, totally uninteresting stuff. Lefebvre then decided that this American Idol dude was a good human being. Just had a feeling. Freddie Bynum hits a double, Melvin Mora hits a two-run homer, they talk about this dude going to the mall.

But the best part of that segment was Lefebvre recalling another reality TV star at the park who threw out a terrible first pitch and was booed off the field. "It was, uh...I don't remember his name. Anyway..." Must've made that kid feel good about his future.

Lefebvre later wanted to invent a new statistic, the Quality At-Bat. After tinkering with it out loud, he settled on this: the hitter is down in the count at some point, he sees eight pitches or more, and he hits it hard somewhere. Doesn't matter if he gets a hit. Also, walks are out of the question for the Quality At-Bat. Fantastic.

Jose Guillen appeared to have hurt himself a little bit running to first base later in the game, and Frank White said he had a "nice grimace" on in the dugout. Lefebvre took issue with the idea of a "nice grimace." This followed (I don't have exact quotes here, but this is very close):

Lefebvre: "Nice grimace. That's like jumbo shrimp. Those two don't go together! Or, uh, slight groin injury."

White: "Or tweaked hamstring."

Moments later, White recalled a young Jay Payton, as he and Lefebvre talked about Payton coming out of Georgia Tech at the same time as Nomar Garciaparra and Jason Varitek, and some expected him to be the prize of the bunch.

"Jay Payton had great speed when he came out (of Georgia Tech). Playing center field for the Red Sox."

Payton, of course, did play for the Red Sox, at age 32, in his eighth Major League season. In total, Payton (who had really lost his speed to injuries well before that) played 16 games in center field for the Red Sox. He was a member of the 2000 Mets team that went to the World Series, and had played for three other teams (Mets, Rockies, Padres) by the time he got to Boston.

Just all-around tremendous stuff. I love you, Ryan and Frank. Never change. Continue to think that Melvin Mora is a great player and that Daniel Cabrera throws 98-99 with his fastball. It's OK to be stuck in 2004.

A few quick talking points about the game:

• Trachsel didn't kill us.
• The bullpen nearly did through every pitcher brought in.
• Freddie Bynum is quickly winning me over.
• Nick Markakis is finding his stroke again.
• Brian Roberts is not.
• Aubrey Huff! DONG.
• Melvin Mora! DONG.
• Even Kevbo had a couple hits.
• The Royals are still terrible.

via d.yimg.com

I've said this before, and I'll say it again, I'm sure. It's one thing to come into this season with low expectations, and knowing the team is going to compete for Worst Team in Baseball, and knowing how rocky and downright bad it's going to be, but it's another thing to actually sit and watch it happen.

The O's came out for 2008 with another surprisingly fast start, ending April in contention. We're a week into May, 16-16, and now we're in fourth place. And brothers and sisters, it's only going to get worse.

We're a half-game up on Toronto, and the Jays are riding a five-game win streak. It's only a matter of time before we get settled in the cellar.

I'm not being negative, I'm being realistic. Think about some of the guys starting for this team. Luis Hernandez and his .542 OPS, weak arm, and frequent boneheaded baserunning mistakes. Ramon Hernandez and his .581 OPS, detrimental alleged defense behind the plate, and frequent boneheaded baserunning mistakes. Luke Scott (.778 and nosediving) and Jay Payton (.642 and steady) are in a left field platoon.

Our starting first baseman is OPSing .672. Nick Markakis is in a massive slump right now. Our number three hitter is Melvin Mora -- .729 OPS.

This offense is offensive.

And it kind of makes you feel bad for a starting pitching crew that is performing a lot better than most would have expected. Jeremy Guthrie (4.06/1.24) is doing his thing again. Daniel Cabrera (4.06/1.35) seems to have found a balance between power pitching and trusting his stuff enough to let people try to hit it. Brian Burres (2.87/1.28) has been terrific. Garrett Olson (2.08/1.08) has been great in two starts since being called up. Steve Trachsel is a waste of time, so let's not even bother talking about him right now.

The bullpen has been a little inconsistent, but they've held their own for the most part. There's not much more you could ask of this pitching staff than what they've given us, to be totally fair.

And then there's the boneheaded baserunning and fielding and other assorted screwery. It's hard to watch a team make so many fundamental little mistakes that wind up costing them games. The A's had no business winning last night. They shouldn't have scored a run.

But then the Orioles shouldn't be making two outs on every hit-and-run they attempt and gloriously fail to execute. The Orioles shouldn't run into so many outs. But Dave has them running, despite their constant presentation of evidence that they don't know how to run the bases. Roberts is a fantastic baserunner. Markakis is a really good, savvy baserunner, last night's boner notwithstanding. But guys like Luis and Adam Jones, while they have speed, aren't good baserunners. It's one of the few times I'll go out of my way to praise Derek Jeter, but that guy is a magnificent baserunner. It's not just speed, and we all know that. Markakis isn't terribly fast, but, like Jeter, he has good instincts and rarely screws himself over.

And it's not just on the bases. It's in the field, too. Melvin Mora, God bless him, makes more idiotic mistakes than anyone I can think of. He also makes a lot of highlight reel plays. His tendency to look to get a glory out and wind up getting nobody out is a little high. Luis Hernandez? I can't really blame him. He's not really a Major League shortstop. He does not have the arm for the position.

I'm not mad about them being bad, and I'm not upset about it, and it doesn't depress me or anything. But it's hard to watch a team so bad on so many levels. They try hard, there's a lot of moxy, and there's plenty of grit. They've got some gamers. That's super.

They stink, though. We all knew they would.

(And Aubrey Huff has been fine.)

Guillermo Quiroz hit a two-run homer to break a 0-0 tie in the sixth inning, and Brian Burres had a magnificent start, leading the O's to a 5-1 win in the first game of today's double-header in Chicago.

Burres went eight shutout innings, striking out four and allowing three hits. He didn't walk anybody, which is the real stunner.

Luke Scott was 0-1 in a pinch-hit appearance, which extends his slump. If you haven't noticed, he's down to a .310 average and hasn't seen first base since April 19. Jay Payton got the start against John Danks, who took a perfect game into the sixth inning before Guillermo bombed him, and went 1-for-3. So if you can say anything about Payton, it's that he's doing his best when called upon.

The Birds sealed the deal in the top of the ninth against Octavio Dotel, with Eider Torres (pinch-running for Huff) scoring on a Paul Konerko error, and Brian Roberts doubling Quiroz and Adam Jones home to make it 5-0.

Matt Albers came in for the ninth and got his cage rattled a little bit. George Sherrill replaced him with the bases loaded and two out, and promptly drilled Carlos Quentin, but then got Joe Crede, so big whoop.

The O's are 14-9, y'all.

Game 2 starts at 7:05, and I'll get a new game thread up for that one. I leave you with a question: Why does Toby Hall have a landing strip on his face?

via l.yimg.com

I came into tonight's game late, and it was 5-0 Mariners. First thing I saw was Jay Payton go deep. The Orioles went on to win 8-7, after I immediately proclaimed that we would win tonight. Just had a feelin', ya know? The first thing I see is a Jay Payton home run. We're winning this thing.

I missed another fabulous start from Adam Loewen, who went two and two-thirds (60 pitches, 33 strikes) with three walks, a strikeout, four hits, five earned runs, and a homer allowed to Adrian Beltre. His ERA is now 7.85. Does anyone really think this dude deserves a rotation spot instead of Matt Albers? Really? I know the team is invested in Loewen, but at what point do you have to STOP THE INSANITY?

The guy can't pitch. Trembley is on record as saying we're foolishly carrying thirteen pitchers (and thus, a bench consisting of Brandon Fahey, Guillermo Quiroz and Jay Payton) because Loewen can't go deep into games.

He's not getting any better about it! You can stick him in the bullpen (since optioning him isn't really an, um, option), but that'll spell disaster, most likely. A couple of years ago, one of the Baseball Prospectus guys said that Loewen might be better off there. The way he simply can't keep the ball over the plate, I have my doubts. Sure he could pump his fastball, but he can't control that thing any better than the rest of his junk.

So what do you do with him? He's taking up a valuable spot on the 25-man roster.

After he was gone, it went a lot better. Matt Albers and Jamie Walker gave up an earned run each (both on Ichiro's two-run bomb off of Walker, but we've already discussed the stupidity of matching Ichiro by the book, as he kills lefties and had healthy numbers against Walker career), but RAN-DOOOOOR! pitched two scoreless right after Loewen, Bradford went one and a third, and Sherrill shut the door after some drunks ran onto the field. I had the dreadful Mariners TV broadcast, but apparently Gary Thorne said they were "not taking it lightly" on the knuckleheads (that one credit to the Seattle booth) that got out there.

That gives Shutdown eight saves on the year, five against the Mariners. And that skirt-wearing weiner Erik Bedard is still too afeared of the mighty, mighty O's. As well he should be!

You know who I hate? Yuniesky Betancourt. 3-for-4. That guy kills us. Get him out of here.

Markakis was 2-for-3 with two walks, Millar managed a sac fly, Huff was 1-for-5 with an RBI, Roberts homered in the eighth to put us up for good, and Adam Jones (Player of the Year, 2010 Seattle Mariners) was 3-for-4 with a two-run, go-ahead double in the seventh.

Much fun all around! Now we have a bunch of games in Chicago against the White Sox, so that wraps up our season series against them, too. Let's do it to it!

Another series won. Can't argue with that.

via d.yimg.com

OK, so it wasn't a homer. But Adam Jones' game-winning single off of Boob Logan in the bottom of the 10th inning will suffice. The O's are back in Birdland, if only for now.

Chicago went up 2-0, and the O's tied it at two in the bottom of the sixth. Leading off the seventh against Jeremy Guthrie, Carlos Quentin homered. Then Joe Crede homered. Goodnight, Guts, 4-2 Sox.

Quentin homered again in the eighth, making it 5-2 Chicago, but the Birds got one back in the bottom of the inning, then wailed on Big Fat Bobby Jenks in the ninth to tie it up.

Dave Trembley was faced with a dilemma. Payton had pinch-hit for Luis Luis, so Fahey was in. Then he decided to send Ramon up for Fahey in the ninth, which meant we were out of reserves and we had no shortstop.

Here's what I would've done: Mora at SS, Millar at 3B, Ramon at 1B.

Here's what Dave did: Huff at 3B (sacrificing the DH), Mora at SS.

The first way would've been more fun, but oh well. Despite Huff's best efforts to single-handedly lose this game (0-for-5 with three strikeouts), young Adam Jones singled home Kevin Millar in the tenth for the win. Booya! Game over.

George Sherrill got the win, and we're now 9-7.

HEY, YANKEES!

YOOOOOOOOU!

Once a year or so, it's good to update these. Players come and players go, much like the asinine nicknames that generally spring out of the game threads. So here's a quick primer for anyone who's new and might not know what in God's name we're talking about during certain points of a game.

Albers, Matt

• Fat Albers

This is not in any way intended to be mean. Honest. I know the dude's a little pudgy, maybe still carrying some baby fat, or maybe he's just like most of the rest of us and likes to reward himself for a fine day's work of breathing air and being a cool dude by wolfing down a Baconator or six. I'm not here to judge Matt Albers. It's just something that happened in my head and then I put it on a blog. Hey, hey, hey!

You gotta do it right though. Listen for yourself, if you're unfamiliar. It starts loud, so be prepared. That site is long faded as far as being funny goes, but whatever. RAN-DOOOOOR!

Bradford, Chad

• ChadBrad
• Chadwick
• Chadstache

Ain't found a way to kill me yet

Eyes burn with stingin' sweat

Seems every path leads me to nowhere

Wife and kids, household pet

Army green was no safe bet

The bullets scream to me from somewhere

Yeah, they come to snuff The Rooster

Yeah, here come The Rooster

You know he ain't gonna die

Walkin' tall, machine gun man

They spit on me in my homeland

Mora, Melvin 

• MelMo
• Melly Mel
• Melvin Moron
• Playoff Hero Melvin Mora

Did Babe Ruth ever slap at someone's glove while they tried to tag him? Did Mickey Mantle? Did Hank Aaron? Did Cal Ripken? Did Dane Iorg? Did Kiko Garcia? Seriously. He's a player to admire, but a total weiner.

That's why I prefer "Brian Bob."

Sarfate, Dennis

• Dennis the Menace

via d.yimg.com

Matt Albers got the job done in a spot start and George Sherrill picked up a shaky sixth save on the season as the Birds remained in first place with a 4-3 win over Toronto.

The O's are now 6-1 at Camden Yards this season, quite a turnaround from last year's dismal 35-46 home record. Trembley went bullpen crazy as usual, giving Jim Johnson two and a third before calling in Jamie Walker and Chad Bradford to get one out apiece. With a 4-1 lead, Sherrill came in to pitch the ninth and allowed a two-run, pinch-hit home run to Alex Rios, but he survived the brush with crap and got us out of there with one more in the win column.

Pretty good game at the plate, too. Kevin Millar was 2-for-4 with a homer and three RBIs, and Brian Roberts, Melvin Mora and Luke Scott all had two hits apiece. Adam Jones was 3-for-3 with a walk, and looked really good at the plate, even though his first hit was sort of an off-balance hack at a breaking ball. After that, he appeared to be dialed in. And this after Dave Trembley went around telling everyone he could find that he really thought about pulling the struggling Jones today.

I still wonder what purpose that serves. Is it motivation? Doesn't it seem like that would make the kid press even harder? And if he had pulled him, then why is he on the team anyway? He's here to learn on the Major League level.

The other O's RBI came from a Ramon Hernandez sac fly. He was 0-for-3 to push his average down to a sparkling .179.

With 13 hits, the O's should have scored more runs, which is a pretty familiar feeling. They grounded into three double plays and made two outs at the plate. The first was Luis Hernandez hesitating to run anywhere on a Nick Markakis chopper where he absolutely should have scored or at least not run at all, but them's the breaks. The second came in the eighth, when Juan Samuel sent Jay Payton on a medium-depth fly ball to left field with one out and Brian Roberts coming up with two men in scoring position.

Let's think about this. Payton runs fine, but he's not fast. Shannon Stewart can't throw, but he wasn't throwing very far. There is another out to go and the insurance run(s) would certainly help. So Samuel sends him?

You're on notice, Juan. You're Trebelhorn II.

But a win is a win is a win. I'm also worried about the fact that in eight wins, Sherrill has six saves. We're not exactly whomping on the competition, and close games can turn against you very fast. But a win is a win is a win. This is Birdland.

via d.yimg.com (© LM Otero / AP)

I didn't see the first game, but I do know that getting three base hits is not exactly good. Rangers won 3-1. Stupid every-third-year Kevin Millwood.

In the second game, Adam Loewen struggled badly with his control -- again -- and left a couple too many pitches up -- again. Count me as decidedly not on the train with Loewen or Cabrera. I mean, I'll be psyched when they have good games now and again, but these bad ones are torture. I don't watch summer re-runs; I don't want to watch them on live TV, either.

Jay Payton homered and Markakis and Melvin had two hits apiece in the second game, too. Randor Bierd looked good in relief. The Rangers chipped away at Chad Bradford to score what turned out to be the winning run in the bottom of the eighth, following the Orioles tying it in the top of the inning on a sac RBI from Millar.

Brandon Fahey and Luis Hernandez combined to go 0-for-6 over two games. I know Luis had that one big game-winner, but don't stop expecting to see Alex Cintron sometime soon.

Luke Scott's hot streak hit a roadblock with an 0-for-3 opener (three strikeouts and a walk) and then crapped out in a pinch-hit appearance in game two. Ramon Hernandez had a 1-for-5 day to raise his average to .143.